StephMemorial: A cheeseburger without cheese

Steph was a borderline cheese connoisseur and a former employee of the Wisconsin Milk Marketing Board, and she knew her dairy products like Scotty knows engineering on the Enterprise. And she enjoyed a hot, juicy hamburger on many, many occasions. So she loved cheese, and she liked hamburgers, but for Steph, cheese and a hamburger didn't go well together. She never ate cheeseburgers. The only times I ever saw her bite into a cheeseburger was when we were doing fast-food and they'd screwed up the order, given her a cheeseburger when she'd ordered a hamburger.

She liked Wendy's, but ordering there was especially complimicated; Steph's favorite was a Junior Bacon Hamburger, which isn't on the menu — it's only on the menu as a cheeseburger. If you order a Junior Bacon Hamburger, you'll get a confused look, and you'll probably be given a cheeseburger. From experience we learned that to have a Junior Bacon Hamburger at Wendy's, you need to order a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger, and then add, "without cheese."

At Burger King, she'd order a Junior Whopper, with no onions, no tomato. If we were doing fast-food at Culver's, she might have a Butter Burger, and she'd always order a mango smoothie. At Dickie's, it's a pulled pork sandwich, with creamed spinach on the side. We rarely went to McDonald's, but if they were advertising a reduced price she might order a Filet-O-Fish or a Junior Mac.

And I know what she'd order at the bagel place – an Asaggio or sesame bagel, untoasted please, with garden veggie spread or onions and chives. At the corner coffee and tea shop, she'd have a Taiwan red tea. At Taco Bell, a soft taco and nacho fries. At Café Bel Italia, she'd have eggplant parmesan. At the Thai place (at any Thai place), it was always pad thai, but only after scrutinizing the menu for five or ten minutes, pretending to herself that she might order something different. At the Hong Kong Cafe, she'd order moo shoo pork, perhaps with a side order of shrimp toast or crab rangoon. At Ogden's Diner, it was usually blueberry pancakes, but she was also open to the daily specials.

I don't have any idea what to do with the above information. It jumps to the front of my brain at the oddest times, and any time I drive past a Wendy's or Burger King, or anyplace we ever ate. So I've typed it here, wishing I was buying her dinner but instead I'm eating alone, every meal.

Welcome to StephMemorial

Stephanie Webb was my wife, my closest friend, my angel. We were together from 1997 until 2018, and for all that time we were head-over-heels in love. She was the best thing that ever happened to me, or ever will.

Who was Stephanie? She was complicated, and sometimes difficult. She was brilliant but insecure, eloquent but introverted, strong-willed but soft-spoken, tough as titanium but always vulnerable, a dreamer but utterly down-to-earth. Sometimes she was deeper than the Marianas Trench, and other times so silly you'd be giggling for hours.

She wasn't famous, and she was never arrested or made headlines. She worked ordinary office jobs, but after hours and on the weekend she was adventurous — oh, the places we've been (though always on a budget). She developed major medical problems toward the end, but other than a few dark days she generally kept an optimistic outlook. She was 26 when we met, and 48 when she died.

This domain was created to post her obituary on-line, so old friends who'd been out of touch could Google her name and know that she'd passed away. After writing the obituary, though, there was more to be said. And then, more still.

I don't want to forget any of the moments we spent together, the things we did, or the promises we made, kept, and broke — but I'm old and sometimes forgetful, and it's not likely that my memory will improve with age. So I'm writing it. Almost all of it. I reckon that's going to take the rest of my life.

I can't tell you everything about Stephanie, of course. As well as I knew her, there must be many stories she never told me, and many stories she told me that I've forgotten. There are also, of course, some stories that I'm not going to share.

She didn't often speak about her childhood, her adolescence, her first years of adulthood, and her answers when I asked were usually brief. She got the recipe for Stephanie exactly right, that's for sure — but I wasn't there while she was creating herself, day by day and bit by bit, so my focus will be on the time we had together.

It was delightful and never dull spending those years with her, and it's my hope to convey some small smidgen of the joy of Stephanie. Of course, her spirit can't be captured and posted on-line, and there's no doubt that I'm going to fail. But I am going to try.

I am under no illusion that this site will be popular. That's not the point. When I write about Stephanie it's like spending more time with her, or re-spending old times with her, and that's the best thing left in my life.

My name is Doug, and I'm (still and always) Stephanie's husband. If you knew her, or have something to say about the website, or if you've spotted a typo, you can reach me via the form below.